i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize