well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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