So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
