I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
