Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And then my night got REAL pukey
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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