You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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