did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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