Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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