She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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