did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
