you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
