Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
