Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
