jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
