i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
