marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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