I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
