can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
