ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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