I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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