I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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