I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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