Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
