No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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