i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
