my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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