He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it hurts more in the daytime
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
