well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
