Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I still have a little drunk in my system
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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