Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Success! We fucked roommates!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
