Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
