I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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