is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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