TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
MIDGETS
????
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
