I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize