we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
