Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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