38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
