I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
