Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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