The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
