Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
