Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
