he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
