Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
