Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
bring money and cleavage
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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