found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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