Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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