hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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