he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
