Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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