apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
