are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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