I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
