after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize