Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
