Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize