ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize