I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
