i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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