i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
