We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
