we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
