My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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