He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
