Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
