Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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