you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
