her vagine was all disorganized.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
