You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
