My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
