I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
