Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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