R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
