I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
