i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
